Months ago, I asked God for work that’s right for me, whatever it is He wants me to do because I’ve experienced so much work frustration. I finally found a job that I think I’m really going to like and I’m waiting for a phone call with an offer for the job. I’m on pins and needles and find myself flying between anxious disappointment and fulfillment bliss. I almost feel like a little kid desperately hoping to get a pony for Christmas. Admittedly, I don’t like feeling so vulnerable as I’m typically the logical reserved type who thinks if something doesn’t happen then it wasn’t meant to be. So why am I so different this time?
This time I’m running out of money but more than that I think I would be good at this work and it offers the potential to make big money. I haven’t felt excited about a job in over eight years. After I got that job it turned into a nightmare – the people were just using me to get cheap labor while most of the staff were out on leave at the same time. They hated me and let me know it. The experience left me jaded and distrustful about any job.
Since then, I have been blasé about all jobs to the point of becoming sick to my stomach going through the motions of work every day. There has been no gratification and little positive in day-to-day work life. So I happily went into business, something I’ve wanted to do for decades. The only problem with that is I’ve failed to make enough money to live so now I’m back to looking for a job.
After a great interview, taking the drug test and all their surveys I’m just waiting. This is the hardest part. In my wild imagination I can see myself getting the job and how great my life will be like in this new adventure then I imagine the worst. The worst being that I go through all this and nothing, just like all those other jobs I didn’t get. Then I feel desperation building inside me and along comes her trashy friends anxiety and depression. They’re all part of that fear gang and I hate them.
Just a few of my worried thoughts: Did I pass the drug test? I don’t do drugs but I do supplements, that shouldn’t be a problem but you hear these stories. Did I answer their surveys negatively and now they don’t want me? I was honest and if they still don’t want me it means God has something better for me. Did I make a mistake on anything since the interview and now they don’t want me? If I did it was small potatoes and I don’t want to work for any more petty fault finders anyway.
So what do we do when we’re waiting and can’t do any more? God actually gives us a plan to follow and I’m following the plan. Psalm 27:14 “Wait with hope for the Lord and let you heart be courageous.” I’ve been learning what this means. “Wait with hope for the Lord” means I’m not letting myself entertain those worried thoughts. Instead, I have hope that news will be good and I entertain myself on past answers to prayers that turned out good. AKA Magnifying God. “Let your heart be courageous” means that waiting on God gives me courage. I’m not naturally a courageous person but quite fearful. Fear runs in my family so for me to have any sense of courage that the situation will be good is hard work but God has shown up and made me feel sound and at peace.
Lamentations 3:24 “I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.” Now I understand what “The Lord is my portion” means. He’s my portion of food that’s total nourishment, there’s plenty of it and he wants to feed me. How to “wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord”? I’m not talking to anyone right now because I know that everyone will be negative and kill my baby of hope that’s inside me. No one I know will say positive things so I’m keeping my mouth and door closed! NO EXCEPTIONS.
Isaiah 64:4 “Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him”. Essentially, this means that since for ever there is no other God who goes to work when people wait on Him.All those other gods require spells, chanting and weird rituals. It’s actually easier to wait on the real God than go through all that!
Isaiah 40:31 “But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly high on wings as eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” Now that I'm not focusing on the negative possibilities, not throwing up worries to God and not reminding myself of my dilemma I'm feeling stronger. Is it just all in my mind? Well, isn't that where I need it? Psalm 62 “I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken.” I'm working on being positive that God will give me what is right for me in His time, praying continually that I will be rewarded for this work of faith by following the plan.
As I’ve been writing this, I got the call… they offered me the job!!! THANK YOU JESUS! God is worth the wait.